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Monthly Archives: March 2017
Floored
Got up after a horrible dream, took dogs over the park as one of them was too scared to go in the car to the country park. I was a little disappointed but I thought whatever. Got to the bench … Continue reading
Sorrow
Was in Asda buying stuff for breakfast, song came on in the store, I lost the plot, started sobbing my heart out at the checkout, people started looking at me in bewilderment as I tried my best to stifle the … Continue reading
The silence
Awake since 3am woke up tummy was hurting me, no idea why, still hasn’t settled now, but that’s not why I can’t sleep. Keep trying to not think about certain things, keep asking God why, and what am I gonna … Continue reading
Upset
Trying to fight the feeling of being upset as it’s a horrible on the edge and on the brink of tears the whole time, and when I let them go the pain is too much I have to suck it … Continue reading
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Tagged Bereavement, grief, loneliness, loss, pain
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The shadow
Went first service today, cried all the way there and through about 85% of it. Thought I was going to burst with the pain at the start. Came home, watched some tv, fell asleep, woke up and feel so tired. … Continue reading
Can’t even articulate it
So gloomy and upset today and this evening. Just feel paralysed with grief at the moment. The pain of missing John is unbareable. It’s too much and I need the Lord to intervene, cause I can’t take it. It’s too … Continue reading
Always in the background..
Yet another strange day today. Had a drive out just for a change of scenery, didn’t help that much. Then went round to my Pastors house and hung out with him and his wife, that was good to be around … Continue reading
You can’t imagine
Went to Bible college last night. First time back, video conferencing was good but made me cry, as they talked about grief and how important it is that you keep showing up at church and spiritual things and keep going … Continue reading
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Fed up.
Can’t seem to finish anything. Couldn’t face church today. Feel very guilty but also justified as first service would have been to intense and second service too many people. Started watching things can’t finish them, started listening to a lecture, … Continue reading
A strange daze
Not had the best day today, woke up feeling very bad. Meant to go out to lunch with someone but couldn’t face it. Stayed in and watched a ridiculous amount of Lewis on Netflix, quite scary really. Had some friends … Continue reading
A Little Bit of Life 