Sigh.

Feel so bad today. Missing John so much I can barely handle it. I just want to see him, speak to him, listen to him, hug him so badly. Yearning is one of the worst things about grief, cause I don’t see how it can ever go away. Those yearnings are not going to be fulfilled, (in this life) and that makes them worse. I hate, fear, despise the loneliness. It’s overwhelming at times. I can totally understand why people have mental health problems through grief because I honest feel at times like my mind is just going to flip out, and I get worried I’m just not going to be able to make it through this. And part of me is still scared I’m in denial about it all. What a horrible lonely place to be in, and no one can even stop it.