Little things… not so little

The thing about realising someone has died is that it is a process, it’s not like they die and you have the shock and then when that wears off you realise it, it takes time. A photo of John and I came up on Facebook and the angle of the camera meant you could really see his face and suddenly I realised that I would never feel the softness of his face again, and it’s so painful. The skin of his face and neck was so soft, like nothing I have ever felt. I remember when we were engaged, all I wanted to be able to do was put my face by his and kiss his neck. I tried to do it all the time when we were married, and he would only let me for a little bit, then shrug me off 🙂 it would be a fair estimation to say I’m in absolute pieces. There are moments where it’s so overwhelming, I feel I cannot take it. It’s 8:08am and how I’m going to face the rest of the day I have no idea. My heart is utterly broken. I loved John with everything in me, I loved every part of him. I totally adored him. Being without him is horrific, truly horrific.