Hurts so bad.

The pain of grief at the moment is so hard. It’s like a constant dripping. I don’t know what’s really triggered it off, but it maybe that Christmas is looming and I’m feeling particularly lonely and sad without John, and I can’t even try and stop it. It’s agony. And it’s tiring. I can feel myself pining for him and there’s nothing I can do. I can feel the panic that he’s not here bubbling it’s way up to the surface every now and again.  Can’t even write anything else….