Kindness

It feels like forever since I wrote my last post but in reality it’s only been a week. It has been marked by kindness of the Lord. I have seen His kindness so evident and tangible. One of the things that to me was the most attractive element to John was his kindness, he was one of the kindest persons on the planet and I had the privilege of seeing it day in and day out and it truly was a supernatural kindness that could melt me in a second. Part of me is not surprised that the Lord would use kindness to woe me to Him, as John’s kindness could push past any part of me that might have been angry or upset with him and I would fold immediately on seeing his kindness towards people. The Lord has been so kind to me this week. He has shown his gentle specific attention to me in ways I can barely articulate. I’ve been asking for God to give me eyes to see Him and ears to hear Him and I believe He is answering my prayers. Very specific things have happened that I have told no one about before, things that I haven’t even asked God for but just thought about have happened. Seeing the Lord’s kindness in such an extraordinary way, has totally made me fall in love with Him so deeply. I literally want to do nothing other than spend all my time with Him. I am barely sleeping and eating is nominal which those two things for me played huge amounts of time in the day…

I asked the Lord to give me structures to help me base my life around Him and to enable us to have a relationship again after the devastation I encountered when John died and I think He has revealed them to me. So much so that I actually want to get up in the morning… this is a thing I never thought may come back. God keeps reminding me how He knows me completely. How else could I respond other than to give Him all my life? All my love? All my hope? All my devotion? I am really serious about Him.