Time will tell.

During my ten days of isolation after Dad had died and I’d watched every single thing ever on all the streaming platforms and catch up I watched this film about an Australian film maker who suffered with depression. When it got really bad he would take himself off to a wooden shack on a remote beach and he filmed himself one time. Everything was very basic no stove but a fire that he would wind up to make it hotter, no electric, though he must have had some for electronics that filmed him. He kept chickens there and would cook himself (awesome) food (steadily working his way through the chickens, although this time 3 escaped!) while he waited the depression out. He would go for long walks and spend time thinking and generally looking after himself in really simple ways, nothing fancy. The film was mostly silent too. I feel like this is what I need to do. Since Dad died I haven’t really had the energy to look after myself properly hence why I have put on a lot of weight since then as I’ve been living off a diet of potato waffles, noodles, pies, McDonald’s and toast. In my job we are keen to point out that bereavement is not depression, and that’s right, but it can act like a form of depression. Since my friend cooked for me the other day and I saw how easy it was, I have made 3 meals. Easy meals but still made them, yes aided by jars and sauces and not completely from scratch but not made in a microwave or a toaster! Little steps in the right direction! I’ve also made flapjack and brownies too! I don’t know whether I have turned a corner or whether I’m just bored of myself, ha! I guess time will tell.